Everest

The anniversary of my Daddy’s death seems to be my Everest each and every year.  As November approaches, I can feel the sadness creeping in.  As each day makes its gain on the 22^nd, I feel like it gets harder and harder to breathe.  It’s like I am constantly aware that my Dad died.  More often than not, the memories I have of my Dad are good ones…of happy times together.  November, however, brings me the more painful memories…clear of the reality that cancer sucks, that it still seems unreal and unbelievable that my Daddy is gone, and how much it seems that I lost when we lost him.  It’s almost like I feel the raw pain of the initial loss each year.

JFK nailed it when he said, “Do not pray for easy lives.  Pray to be stronger men.”  Contrary to what people often think, it doesn’t get easier with time; however, I do believe the Lord makes us stronger as we trust him with each passing year.  Nothing is easy about losing someone you love, and honestly I am thankful for that.  It makes me dig a little deeper, and trust the Lord more and more with my life. 

Each year, despite the pain, there always seems to be a silver lining.  I had a conversation with my step-dad, David, over Thanksgiving; he talked about my Dad’s character and what an incredible man and friend he was to so many.  He probably has no idea how much that conversation means to me.  There is a sweetness in hearing about my Dad from others.  I know he was incredible, it’s just nice to hear that others thought that, too.  ;)

I read an Advent devotion today that said, “What is love for, if not to intensify our affections—both in life and in death?  Loss sends your heart wanting after heaven.”  That is absolutely the truth!   I am grateful that the Lord picked this girl up from the deepest hurt, and has added so much joy and happiness to my life.  It’s true that I long for heaven in a way I don’t think I ever would have.  There is so much hope, even in the hurt, knowing this isn’t the end.

This weekend I came across some sweet reminders of my Daddy.  Happy tears were shed, because there is hope for so much more…not just in the big picture, but in all the tiny details…and even when life seems overwhelming at times, I can cling to that hope!

 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”—Romans 15:13